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April 17, 2012 / moreorlesley

Degrassi Part 4-More Newbies

If there’s one thing this show excels at, it’s adding characters like a polygamist adds wives. Honestly, I can barely keep track anymore. But I’m gonna try my hardest. This should be the last installment until they add 52 more next season.

Declan Coyne

Declan is the son of a diplomat is wealthy, suave, and sophisticated. He was pegged a ladies’ man until Holly J. stole his heart. After a while she didn’t like being a kept woman so they parted ways. Who knows if they rekindled at Yale since they’re both off the show now. Side note: Declan kind of looks like Harry Potter with weird eyebrows.

Fiona Coyne

She’s Declan’s twin sister and before she became a lesbian there was a lot of speculation of twincest going on. After she got over her brother she started dating a Levi Johnston doppleganger who turned out to be abusive. In order to help deal with this, she took up drinking and was shipped off to rehab after successfully pressing charges against Levi. In rehab she discovered she’s a lesbian with feelings for Holly J. That should make for awkward family holidays. She’s still on the show because she got held back a year for missing so much school for rehab. Oh Fifi.

Jenna Middleton

As a self proclaimed boyfriend stealer, Jenna came on the scene and stole KC right from under Clare’s nose. Sneaky, but karma has a way of finding you and she did, by knocking Jenna up. While pregnant Jenna still found time to compete on American Idol rip-off, Next Teen Star. Her teenage mother sob story didn’t pay off and she was quickly booted. Now that she’s given her baby up for adoption and free of her baby daddy, she can go back to writing songs and stealing more boyfriends. Jenna’s other major highlight was taking dieting pills and soiling herself as a side effect. Amazeballs.

Dave Turner

Dave was written as the new JT but it just doesn’t work. His attempts to be cool are usually thwarted. He’s also been peed on twice. What is it with these new kids and bodily functions? He also co-hosts a radio show with Adam. His longtime crush on Alli finally payed off when they started dating but then he broke up with her cause she was annoying. Over the summer he fooled around with some chick. Promos for upcoming episodes show that Dave tries to win Alli back but his summer fling comes back and looks to be a full-blown psycho! I really hope she’s complete Fatal Attraction mode otherwise I’ll have wasted yet another 40 minutes of my life on this idiotic show. I understand how stupid it is but I can’t stop watching, I fully admit to it.

Mark “Fitz” Fitzgerald

I don’t understand how half of the people promoted to main characters got there, but Fitz never received that status. Quite frankly, it still pisses me off. Name 1 stand-out thing Leia or Bruce have done? Fitz started out as a bully tormenting poor Adam and deservedly picking on Eli who is a complete menace. The rivalry between Fitz and Eli became so heated that Fitz pulled out a knife at the school dance and stabbed the wall next to Eli…lame. While he was away in juvie he found God and wanted to apologize to Clare and Eli but Eli wasn’t buying it. Fitz would have been the perfect candidate for a cult storyline, but oh no, he’s now in the black hole somewhere where neglected characters go to be forgotten.

Wesley Betenkamp

It has been proven time and time again on this show that nerds don’t get airtime. They just don’t. So why Wesley ever made the jump from plot device to main character is beyond me. He got tased by Dave, went on a date with Anya that ended in the ER thanks to taking enhancement pills called Happily Ever Laster, and eventually got a girlfriend in the form of a tall ginger. He hasn’t gotten much screen time as of late, surprise surprise.

Zane Park

Zane was Riley’s on-off boyfriend and other than being a mouthpiece for LGBT awareness , they never gave him much else to do. What a shame, he was so pretty too.

Eli Goldsworthy

Eli started out harmless enough as the Emo boy with feelings for Clare and drove a hearse, but as time went on he became more and more psycho. He’s broken into Fiona’s apartment, wrote a play and had a mental breakdown on stage over, and crashed his hearse for Clare. The actor who plays Eli is quite popular with most of the show’s fan base which is why he gets so much screen time. I don’t have a  problem with that but I do have a problem with the youth of America and Canada making comments such as “Clare is such a bitch for breaking up with Eli. He crashed his car for her. I wish a guy would crash his car for me.” Apparently flowers and some jelly bracelets from Hot Topic aren’t enough to impress middle schoolers nowadays.

Adam Torres

Adam is a breakthrough character being the first main transgendered character to be featured on a TV show. However, since his break out episode, he’s since become a filler character popping up only when needed. I have to say though, the students of Degrassi are very dumb to not have known something was up with Adam. Instead they bought all along that he was a guy.

Bianca DeSousa

Currently the most awesome and totally underused character on the show. She started out as the generic bad girl, but once she had storylines, i.e. getting Drew to cheat on Alli with her in the boiler room, she had a lot more depth. Plus amazing one liners like, “Your boyfriend and I got intimate in the boiler room, but all my clothes stayed on.” Her and Drew were quite possibly the most epic couple in the show’s history. Bianca straight up killed her former gang bf in self-defense when they were together. Plus they dealt with gang warfare together. Then they had to break them up. Upcoming promos show him cheating on his horrible current gf with Bianca, which totally makes sense as Brew is endgame.

Drew Torres

Drew is the star quarterback, super popular, not book smart at all and looks like Taylor Lautner. I was super proud of Drew for cheating on annoying Alli with Bianca. and then he and Bianca finally started dating. Then the idiotic writers had to mess up a good thing and pair him with quite possibly the worst character ever featured on the show (more on her later). Until he cheats on her as promos have alleged to, I only like him when he’s doing stupid things like singing along to Bryan Adams with his stepbrother Adam.

Owen Milligan

Owen started out as a stereotypical jock and homophobe, not to mention SUPER CREEP! However, mad props to Owen for coming thisclose to turning Alli into a p-tute. He had a bit of a turn around when he started dating Anya and helped her with her cocaine problem. Other than that he hasn’t had much air time cause the writers only want to focus on the same 6 characters for some reason.

Marisol Lewis

Marisol is pure, pure evil. This chick has proven she would throw her own grandmother under the bus if it meant getting out of trouble. She’s best friends with horrendous Katie but that didn’t stop her from announcing to the school that Katie is a recovering bulimic. Even though Katie deserved it cause she sucks, that’s not being a good best friend. Marisol also had a fling with KC just after Jenna gave birth, what a homewrecker.

Jake Martin

Jake is a childhood friend of Clare’s who was introduced this season. They started dating. Then Clare’s mom and his dad decided to get married, that’ll awkardize things. They decided to try and still date on the DL and Jake almost took Clare’s V-card but decided it’s better to break up with her before then, otherwise afterward she’d be even more crazy and clingy. Jake likes building things, food, and plaid. Other than that he brings nothing to the table because the writers only like throwing new characters into relationship drama.

Katie Matlin

Words can’t even describe how much this character sucks. She’s supposed to be this over-achieving top dog, A student, and super athlete but she’s just bitchy and annoying. She used to be a bulimic and her BFF Marisol put it on blast when they both ran for class prez. Then Drew started dating her and he became completely boring. The reason why I prefer Marisol over her is because Marisol is a bitch and makes no qualms about it, but Katie’s completely two faced. This season she became addicted to painkillers. If the writers had any sense they’d either have her OD or ship her off to rehab permanently.

Imogen Moreno

Imogen was originally supposed to be a bit of a nutcase, posing as a homeless kid, compulsive lying, anything and everything to hide the fact that she’s just a normal kid. They kind of went that route with her crush on Eli but that’s definitely a watered down version of what could have been. Also, she’s totally going to grow up to be a middle school art teacher.

Mo Mashkour

Mo is the funny fat guy on the show. He ran against both Katie and Marisol for class president and should have won because those 2 hags are terrible. He doesn’t get much airtime because he’s fat, but should because his few and far between storylines don’t revolve around relationship drama like most of the characters that get more focus.

Tristan Milligan

Owen’s younger brother is sassy and fabulous. His a freshman this year and was given the genius nickname of Big Red by Bianca. He loves doing dance routines that involve a lot of jazz hands with his bff, Tori. He’s only been in a few episodes thus far but hes the best of the newest nine grade bunch so far.

Tori Santamaria

Tori is a former pageant girl and is now on the Spirit Squad. Every thing she does seems to revolve around her boyfriend Zig, even when he clearly doesn’t care about her and would rather be skateboarding. Other than being best friends with Tristan, she sucks and needs to stop getting so much screentime.

Maya Matlin

Maya’s a decent enough character, considering she’s brand new. But I’m docking her points for being Katie’s sister, that’s just the way it goes. She plays cello and wants to be different from her sister which I can understand. She also has a crush on Zig, which I don’t.

Zig Novak

I’m assuming Zig is supposed to be a new bad boy heartthrob type, but I’m not buying it. As of right now, all he does is skateboard and show up. Plus he has about as much personality as a sprig of parsley. If this is what the next gen is supposed to be into I fear for them.


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